ah do you ever have a day where you can't pin down what you're feeling? Maybe its anxious waiting, maybe you're excited, maybe its frustration OR MAYBE you're just confused. There's always a pressure to identify our exact emotions at a certain time or place, but isn't there some kind of a wild beauty in just being? In choosing peace? Of course, i rarely choose this path-- usually begging for just a little more of an answer. Maybe though, accepting that our foot tapping below our desk or dribbled coffee over our papers is just a sign to slow down.
So, as i write this at 11:22 with my foot tapping and tea* dripping onto an old post-it note, knowing that if i reallyyyyy wanted- i could crawl under my double-layered comforters and fall asleep.
Except that i won't fall asleep. I'll read 10 more pages of kb's book, highlighting a few lines, my neck will start to cramp and arm will fall asleep from propping myself up from the left side, so i'll roll over and put in my headphones, absorbing new songs, feeling old memories, drifting in and out of shitty youtube videos until i put down my phone for the night, double check my alarm, and allow myself to be still... and shit, i forgot my retainers!!!
despite the petty complaints and inconsistent capitalization, my apologies, I am thankful for where I am. I am thankful for the ideas around me, thankful for the peace around me, and most of all, thankful for the people around me.
ah my dear. us humans are so hard on ourselves. Paul tells the Philippians in Ch. 2 to "[hold] fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain." Even Paul is worried if his life has been in vain. We never think what we do is quite right. The uncertainty is human --> oh the mystery of life, beautiful and mysterious
I like that you wear your retainers !