efforts

i went for a twenty minute run. it was supposed to be a 3 hour one. I slept for 18 last night. i woke up and made protein pancakes, eventually. I did my laundry, but my bed is still on the floor tonight. I cannot do too many things at once, because I do not want to do any in the first place. I am trying to find a balance between living and caring and living and being. It all seems very convoluted and complicated and is it worth the effort? I try to imagine an interesting future as I cry on a bench and the long grass flows into waves in front of me. Care a little harder: you’re sort of close to being happy. At the root of this all I’m simply disappointed in everything I do. I think this is what they call depression, but I’ll be the first to invalidate my own feelings, and I remember I’m a 20 something year old in the 21st century, of course I feel this way!