i need more coffee

but I can't find the people in the first place. everyone feels overworked and under emotional. I think this is on purpose though- to numb our own brains into thinking adjusting the box sizes on a PowerPoint will win us points. right there- as I learned how to simaltaneously resize and align my pictures, a piece of my youth died. I never want to be that good at sitting in front of a screen.

I want to drink coffee in the sand watching the sunrise and running with my dog. If I ever enter a contactual agreement again-

I'd want it to be for love! Not work that brings you to do pointless hours of work, and enforces that you, also, ask others to do pointless hours of work.

Everyone's a little nervous that this is as good as it gets. I am thankful for my body and my freedom to go for a morning run, but this isn't anyone's goal- just existing that is.

I miss laughing more than anything. Probably not fair to my brain that january gave me the most laughs of my life. small, big, soft, wide smiles. jaw aching and core sore type of exhaustion. I am so alone here! But surrounded constantly. It's a strange mix of zero alone time and the wish for connection.

This period is a base period. Both in running and life. I think that's ok- but I am anxious for the rest of my life to get started.

I can't wait to become a liftie on a mountain. I want to live in a van with my springer spaniel. I will probably hate that too, at times, because we're always chasing some more and different kinds of happy, but at least I'll be in charge.