Journaling

I want to write and complain but everything is completely ok. I'm ok. I am ok and there are cool things in the world to see and do and experience. Journaling is supposed to be good for you, but can amplify and solidify the feelings into real life. I feel like my world melts every Sunday while Monday to Friday is a slow moving landslide until a catch of air is found Saturday morning, ending with a snatch in the evening. Find the good! It will just take time. Easy reminders to say and difficult to do. My hair makes me look like a slightly ragged basketball. Or a really old tennis ball you find the ones with stringy yellow pieces hidden in the corner of the court under some leaves. I miss running, but mostly I miss the control I used to feel with my workouts. Ive heard there are easier ways to get a hit of dopamine but I don't have the energy to explore the options! I liked when I was in Slovakia and I was lonely, but I was still quite hopeful.

I don't want anything from the army. I wish I still had some motivation in me to do anything well... correctly... completely... I am spoiled with the lifestyle it affords but I don't really think this all constitutes as a lifestyle when you can't stand living.