midnight

There's a strange nostalgia that comes with my old routines. Those routines that feel like they've floated away, some yanked away. I can't tell what emotion I should feel at the end of an event or day or place.

I can imagine I'll cry on graduation, for example, maybe if solely for the culmination of feelings.

I've had this feeling of wanting more, but I can't really tell you of what. So, maybe this just invalidates my own frustrations...but I can tell you its not more school. It's the feeling of wanting to pause life right here (Okay, actually pause life during grad leave) or fast forward until I'm 35 or fast forward until I'm 71. I don't know if its the stretch between wanting to write down every goal I have for the next week, year, 10 years or this unnerving edge to just see how everything turns out-- reins loose one might say... I don't know.... I don't KNow. I dont know! mental breakdown? perhaps, but what's a few of those before the age of 23? Do they increase with time or you just learn to hide them a bit more///maybe you learn not to post them on a blog? Nah, too radical?

One day I'll learn to write my posts before midnight, and then I may learn how form some coherent thoughts and ideas. However, today is not the day. goodnight

Jasmine by Carneyval is quite the piece.