over/under

Do you ever feel like if a person got to know the real you they wouldn't want to stick around? maybe you have too much to handle, maybe you don't have enough... This fear pays close attention to my everyday habits and tells me that this isn't enough. This fear faces the act of sharing all you have and still not measuring up. A fear of giving anyone: close friend, family member, lover, stranger, a string of your thoughts and assuming it may summon some sort of reaction... is a lot.

A hesitation of oversharing, because no one wants to be that person. A hesitation of exposing how we really feel, because what if people just see this sharing as another way to slip ourselves in the selfish limelight that follows our devices like an unforgiving shadow. Maybe we are just the shadow of our online presence... all our google searches, facebook ads, and screen time forming a numerical picture of you.

I've found I latch on to others out of fear of loneliness, instead of letting the pull of love of bring us together. good little piece of FOMO for u.

If this was a perfect world, and passes from WP still existed and this virus didn't run our world, i think i would go into the city one weekend and just watch all these beautiful existences hurry past me. However, weekend passes are long gone and covid is ever present, and my brain is scattered. AND. there are 82 days until graduation :)