timetables

I can feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that i should be loving my life mode than i am. not that i don’t love it at times- or even a resounding majority of the time, but there is an odd pressure of loving what you’re doing... especially when it is going somewhat accordingly to plan.

Sometimes i’m convinced i feel too much. other times i’m certain im void of the typical and expected human response.

Today was a soul rest day. Gabriela saved me multiple times last night. then i awoke in a panic i had slept through a school day. alas, its saturday. we picked up my car in highland falls thanks to Chris and headed to Bobsecul gardens- lacking water and much needed coffee in the systems. However, we made it... and god bless the world there was a farmers market right next to the gardens. we bought a humble picnic of coffee, a quiche, and two apples.

the most beautiful gardens. we walked, and viewed, and talked, and read, and ate, and sprawled on the grass overlooking the hudson.

Gabriela went off to bigger and better things and i wrapped myself into an art studio in Garrison. i had an hour long conversation with one of the displayed artists... her canvas: some mesmerizing metallic draps hung from the walls. Funny how experiences inspire feeling which can take different mediums of expression. pretty beautiful stuff.

then i went to north dock to keep reading. by myself down there with my book as the sun kept hiding behind clouds. cozy peaceful as i chose not to workout today. i liked that piece of control. little reminders that while routines mean a lot, they don’t mean everything.

I drove to tarrytown. my favorite songs on shuffle. loud singing. like LOUD. where your voice is scratchy afterward.

I went to taco project alone. funny thinking about how eric and i went there together nearly two years ago to the day. things change so much. but also stay the same to some extent. i think i love myself more, but i also still have spells of loneliness. don’t we all?

i got 4 of the most pricey tacos and stuffed my face in my car in the hotel parking lot #cutie

i met up with Sar and Em to begin a beautiful night of reminiscent conversation and friendship.

now, cozy in our queen sized hotel beds we rest our eyes as CMBYN masterpiece plays us to sleep.

and 12:05 i am intermittently texting jacob- feeling wistful of the miles and timetables between us, but that must be many bits of life summed up: miles and time and people all smushed together on one messy, dewy-eyed journey.

dont forget to take off your jewlery before you sleep tonight :)

xoxo

annie dunlaP