scared of hamsters and sheep

I'm always caught between wanting to plan long term, far off, grand slam kind of goals and I wanting to get rid of all sort of societal expectations of a normal set of goals. I don't know if I want a house, and kids, and a marriage, and even dogs, because set in stone can feel scary and alone. I think I am afraid of feeling alone when I supposed to feel loved. I know goals can change and grow as we do, but I don't ever want to feel stuck one a singular path... I guess, unless its a really good one. Selfish? yes. But then again, maybe I want all of those things and I just don't know it yet.

I love my everyday routine, but the 'ease' frightens me. In my PL471 (Leadership in Combat (hooah)) class, we had the most incredible guest speaker who said, "Complacency prevents you from acting safely". This took a few tries to wrap my head around. Of course, this had a very specific reference (summiting Mount Everest, like a complete BOSS), but it made me realize how robotic our routines make us- laxity taking over our days. I don't necessarily want to live scared, but I am uneasy thinking about falling into a neverendinghamsterwheel. Somewhat satisfied, and somewhat uncomfortable.

Lately, when I've left West Point on this 30 mile leash, there's this odd, sheep like feeling. Like, to go to the coffee shop, to stand in line at the bakery, to walk along the water because its sunny and the wind is low. That's what everyone else is doing, so we should do that too, right? All easy, lovely, wonderful things, but everyone is doing them. We are all shelling out our cards just for one more coffee: mask down, sip, mask back up. Perhaps the root of this problem is not my desire to pull away from the confines of societal patterns, but the need to get rid of my $5 cold brew habit.

This may only be a naïve, 22 year-old outlook full of hope that life is spewing with adventure and excitement if only we break free from unexceptional patterns to discover it, but maybe it holds more weight than seemingly guileless ideas.

Did you know? Cold brew is simply chilled water poured over coffee grounds that steep for 12-48 hours before consumed... aka you can put off cleaning your coffee machine. So, essentially, this is coffee for the laziest of the lazies. I don't want to be this lazy, but oh it tastes too good!!!

This was a bit of a hectic post, but welcome to my head. xo